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September 7, 2010
Love is Patient?
I’m not gonna lie. I’m wrestling with this one. Actually, I’m wrestling with patience, period. I don’t know if it’s the product of a Type-A, “what’s next?” personality, but lately I’m finding myself in a constant state of impatience and eagerness. But also a state of excitement, too. How do you teach yourself to be patient? What the heck does “patient” actually mean? Well, I guess the only logical thing to do would be to go to one of MY favorite websites, dictionary.com, and look it up.
Oh my goodness, I’m actually looking up the word “patient” as I wrote that last sentence, and the web site took a full 30 seconds to find the definition. I could hardly stand it, and was about ready to “x” out of the screen. Isn’t that ironic? I’m impatient looking up the word patient. I need help.
Wow, so this is interesting. Listen to this:
–adjective
4. bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like.
5. characterized by or expressing such a quality: a patient smile.
6. quietly and steadily persevering or diligent, esp. in detail or exactness: a patient worker.
7. undergoing the action of another ( opposed to agent).
—Idiom
8. patient of,
a. having or showing the capacity for endurance: a man patient of distractions.
b. susceptible of: This statement is patient of criticism.
Number four definitely resonates with me and so does number six. And even number eight-a. Common theme: Perseverance and endurance. Both in the midst of hardship, and might I add: annoyance. I like that one. The annoying reality that life really isn’t about us.
So how do you actually BE patient? Like any other thing, you practice it. Right? If you want to be a good tennis player, you hit a lot. But if you want to be patient, how the heck do you practice that? Take yourself on down to the DMV? That’ll teach you to wait! The Bible tells us that love IS patient. Discouraging at first, being that I apparently stink at exhibiting patience and hope I don’t stink at exhibiting love. But I do find hope in the fact that I know LOVE doesn’t just happen overnight. Love comes with time. And therefore if Mrs. Cuppy taught me correctly in Algebra 1-A, “IS” is actually code for “=”, so therefore LOVE = PATIENCE and therefore PATIENCE also doesn’t happen overnight.
However, I believe love is a choice. So therefore patience must also be a choice. There are so many times when I do stuff I really don’t want to do all because I love the person who tasked me. Hard as it may be sometimes, I choose to love those in my life, and put down my selfish desires for those people that I love. Not always… I mess up a lot. A LOT. But at least that’s what I desire to do. I am committed to choosing to love. So, therefore I must be committed to choosing patience. And let’s not forget that love and patience are not automatic. I think the important take away here is that we, or rather I, need to be committed to trying to have patience.
Committed to practicing patience.
Okay, glad we got that down. Sometimes you just gotta talk it out. But this statement begs the question, AGAIN, how do you actually practice patience? According to number four, it sounds like just hang on for the ride, buck up, don’t complain, and be calm and exhibit fortitude. Fortitude. Now, that’s a neat word. Physical and emotional strength is the definition of fortitude. (Thanks dictionary.com.)
I think I might add GRACE to definition number four. With fortitude, calm, and grace. Look up that one. There’s about 20 really good definitions. And also FAITH. With fortitude, calm, grace, and faith… faith in knowing that I may have uncertainties about the future, but that I am certainly purposed in the present.
It’s always a risk being patient, because you never know how the end will turn out. Rome wasn’t built in a day, but Rome was also destroyed. I guess you have to just weigh everything and hope that the possible end result is worth more than what’s at risk. And if it’s not… you fold.
I don’t know what you’re dealing with, but I would love to know how you exhibit and practice patience… because that’s what I plan on doing. Practicing patience. Cause the possibilities ahead of me are worth far more than what’s at stake. And I am committed, not to being patient, but to a willingness to practice choosing to be patient.
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“That’ll teach you to wait!” HAHAHHA!!! I can totally hear you saying that! O Ms. Rene, you’re an amazing writer and I just love your outlook on life. As for how I exhibit patience….I don’t, but after reading this i’ll work on it! I promise!!!
This is a tough one Rene! When I saw/read your post and saw the comments I tried to think of it from a different point of view (Psychology point). Instead of “How do I practice patience?” maybe try to look at what/who is causing your impatience (mom, dad, boyfriend, cousin, youself…) and how that in itself is causing impatience. I have to try everyday to not be impatient (practice) by telling myself “Is it them, ie thier actions causing me impatience or is it my REACTION to what they are doing that is causing impatience?”. This is not a be all end all, but there are a few good points on this link. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/happiness-in-world/201002/patience
Rene I love to hear your thoughts. What I have to tell myself because I am in school for my masters, working full time, and doing an internship on top of all that and trying to have a life is taking it one day at a time. God has given me a theme for my life and that is to be still. Simple quite really, but sooo hard. Be present. Be in the now. Be in the moment. Don’t worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will worry about itself and bring enough things that I don’t need to think about today. So be still and learn patience. Its hard !
I don’t mean to bring argument or contradiction to your faithful blog readers/commenters, but.. well… here we go… Will the utmost respect, I have to disagree with Ethan’s take on patience. At the core of patience is selflessness, and at the core of selflessness is your conscious choice and effort to put others needs and desires above yourself. Impatience is not a reaction to an external force (mom, dad, boyfriend, cousin…) it is an emotional reaction to your internal selfishness. The external force is simply a catalyst, and something we cling to in order to practice impatience. In the same way that love IS patient (no matter what the circumstance) and conversely patience Is love, impatience IS selfishness. Is everyone impatient at times? Yes. Does that mean that we are all selfish at times and have room to grow? Double yes. Asking yourself, “Self, how do you practice patience,” is the same as asking yourself, “Self, how do you practice selflessness?” By being selfless. By being patient.
It doesn’t come naturally because our nature is sinful, but when you change your mind and change your actions, your heart will follow. How do you practice patience?
Using your (brilliant) tennis analogy, a good grip for a topspin forehand doesn’t feel natural at first, but it is right. The more you use it, even though you suck at first, the better you will get, and the better you get the more natural it will feel. By recognizing what it is, seeing that patience is not just a nice idea, but that it is what’s right and best, you are able to start using patience, and though you may suck at first, the more you are patient, the more patience will feel natural, and the better you will be at it.
Not sure if I’m the right person to answer…but I’ve had to practice this one a little too often. Enough that I have a quote that hangs by my computer…
“Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting – that is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow…that is patience” – unkonown
oh, mrs. cuppy ;-) great writing, rené… i love that you added in both grace and faith as they are most definitely essential to patience