They say that one of the worst feelings in the world is waking up on Christmas morning and not being a child.
I can relate.
John and I were sitting on my couch. Christmas Eve. In front of us was a flickering fireplace, a mound of gifts, and all the ambiance you would want on Christmas Eve with your man, to include classic Christmas tunes, dim lighting, you know the drill. We were all set for a special gift exchange, though I’ll be honest: I had this heaviness in my heart.
You see, it was a heaviness in knowing that Christmas would never be the same again. That I would never have a Christmas Eve slumber party with my big brother and wake up at 4am to open our stockings. I would never have to wait those excruciating hours till Nana and Papa came over at 8am to open the rest of our gifts. And Christmas parties at school? You can forget that. The anticipation of Christmas morning with all my family near, isn’t what it used to be. It’s different now. Siblings are married, at the in-laws, working, or out of state. My grandparents are gone. Even our fireplace mantle has been removed in a recent remodel leaving us with no place to hang our stockings.
I smiled wide, holding back tears, as he handed me a stocking that was about to burst at the seams. “Baby girl, open your stocking,” he said through his grin.
I pulled out the small box on top. As I unwrapped the perfect cube, faded memories of opening stockings with my brother flipped through my mind. Pulling the paper off, I slide out a giant Hershey’s Kiss. And I don’t know what did it, but I lost it. I started crying. Right there, present number one, with oversized Hershey’s Kiss in my hand. He pulled me close and asked what was the matter. “You like chocolate, right?” he reminded me, as if he did something wrong. I shook my head and explained my holiday blues.
He kissed my forehead and reminded me, “But baby girl, look at all the traditions we have now: Christmas Eve service, delivering gifts to those working on Christmas Eve, our gift exchange, the way you always say ‘But wait, there’s more,’ and you give me something really cool at the end.”
He made me giggle with his charm. Nodding at his sweet reminders, I smiled and got up to dry my tears. “Hopefully we can get past the Hershey’s Kiss this time, ” I heard him mumble and chuckle as I rounded the corner.
He’s right. The traditions we have now are sweeter and memorable in their own ways. They’re not the same as those childhood traditions, but that’s what makes Christmas so rich. Knowing all you’ve experienced, and all you have yet to experience. Like opening gifts with my own children someday.
December 26th, I had the pleasure of photographing a friend’s family of eight adults and seven children. We had a blast. When I heard the kiddos were going to open gifts, I stuck around to catch just a glimmer of what it was like to be a kid again. Check it out…
